I’ve been unhappy of late. And it got me thinking about the pressures I place on myself and the pressures I feel despite myself.
The things is, I never used to be an honest person. I used to hide behind white lies and a facade I presumed everyone was buying. In a lot of ways it was easier.
Then one day it dawned on me. You can’t feel bad for being you. You can’t lie to yourself and expect others to take you seriously.
So I started to be honest. I now live life out in the open for everyone to see and judge and evaluate. I’ve probably become someone who’s perhaps a little too honest.
So, what’s the real balance? How can you be at peace with yourself and be honest and open.
And how can you truly be honest when people are afraid of real honesty?
I found that over time, there’s three types of people. The people that are honest, straight up no bullshit, the people that are totally dishonest and then the people in between.
And it’s the people in between I struggle with the most. They’ve hit the balance. They’re honest enough to satisfy their need to be a good person, but they’re dishonest enough to judge others by their own relationship with either honesty or dishonesty.
It means nobody is a real winner. You can’t appease everyone, or in fact anyone. Not even yourself.
I know this because I’ve been at both sides of the coin. But I’ve never been able to balance it on its side. I’ve never been that person who nails the balance of honesty and dishonesty.
So, what to do? Be honest and open and also exposed to judgement? Or hide behind white lies and a facade and be open to ridicule?
The only solution is to strike the balance. But how? How in a world surrounded by inequality masked as equality and prejudice hidden as political correctness do we truly gauge what is right and what is wrong?
The answer is to just go with your gut. Surely you just have to do right by you?
Maybe it’s less about being honest or dishonest or somewhere in between, and more about focusing on what’s right in the here and now.
Society is so keen to pigeon hole people as a certain type of person. You’re either this or that. But how about if we just forget about finding a way to understand people in groups and learn to accept that everyone is in fact unique.
I think if we did that then there would be far less judgement and far more freedom to make choices that suit the here and now in a way that is far more realistic.
Some examples, that show just how far this impacts us. Examples that we can all relate to:
So your boyfriend cheats on you and you stay with him. Does that make you a certain type of girl? No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You move in with your boyfriend after two months. Does that mean you rushed things? No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You quit your job because of stress. Does that make you a liability? No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You have a good job. That means you should be happy. No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You’re married. That means you’ve settled. No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You’re a god dam poser and love a selfie. Does that mean you’re confident? No. It’s a totally unique situation.
You get the point. We live our lives by convention. Constantly comparing ourselves to one another. Judging people by our own standards and never considering how other people’s standards are equally as valuable.
So next time I think somebody is being dishonest, or honest, or not honest enough. Maybe I just need to ask myself why they’re doing what they’re doing, and if it’s my place to judge.
Maybe if I do that. Just maybe. I might start to feel more confident in my own skin. After all, it’s not up to anyone else to make me feel good about being honest. I chose that moral and I must feel comfortable with that part of me to make decisions regardless of what other people think.
No matter the choices you make, there are always those that will disagree. To be truly happy you must listen to your heart and your gut, despite what your mind may say.