I destroyed my life so you don’t have to…


I’ve always been told if you’re unhappy, only you can change it. So I decided to turn my life upside down, screw up everything, become totally tragic and open myself up to rejection for the first time… I mean, seriously I’ve never been happier. Who knew?
Just over three months ago I was so unhappy I contemplated running and never ever stopping / drinking copious amounts of Lambrini and moving to Blackpool. So obviously things were next level bad. Everything around me felt pointless and shit.

I tried counselling, pills… the works. It helped, but it wasn’t enough. I needed a more fundamental change in myself. I needed to do something – and I mean really do something – about it.

So, I did what any rational person does (jokes), I quit my job, I moved out, got my own home, ended my relationship, came out, revealed my insecurities to my nearest and dearest, told the world about my struggle with anxiety and depression, and -maybe most importantly – I said fuck it to convention and maintained a close relationship with my ex. I did everything I possibly could to strip myself totally nuddie to the world.

I pushed myself into a position where I had nothing superficial to lose. Meaning I could see the wood for the trees. Or in my case the fucked to the not so fucked. I could assess what I had, what I valued, and what I wanted to nurture.

What was left was overwhelmingly centered on love. It’s crazy… I’ve never been so alone, yet I’ve never felt so loved. So unlonely.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if I can do all the above (I’m not a ‘together’ person, more of a gay Bridget Jones), then there’s no reason why the more accomplished people out there can’t be happy.
So if you’re unhappy, don’t be scared to make a change, no matter how overwhelming. You really won’t be happy until you give zero fucks and risk it all.

So do it. Go travelling, tell someone you love them, leave your shitty partner, or job, or friends. And chase what you know, deep down, will make you truly happy. Build that house, propose to your partner, drink all the wine. We really do make our own walls and I just smashed the hell out of mine – bully for me. Now go get your sledge hammers bitches. YOLO and all that.

3 Comments

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  1. Love this!! I also left behind a life I thought I was supposed to want and in doing so I’ve started living MY life and its been amazing how empowering and amazing it has been!! Kudos to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like you’ve been through it babe. Well done for being strong and I hope you continue to feel unlonely and well loved. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very refreshing! Fair play to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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