The thing is, I’m a lesbian. I always have been, and I think I always will be.
Being gay is actually really tough. I’ve spent the majority of my life to date hiding it. Because I was ashamed and scared. Because I didn’t have confidence in who I was to be able to reveal something that I saw as an opportunity for people not to like me.
How wrong was I! It’s ironic really. I’ve spent so much time and energy hiding who I was to protect myself, when really all it was doing was causing myself and myself esteem damage.
Repressing something you know to be true is the most damaging thing you can do to yourself. I’ve only learnt that through doing it for way too long!
I’m fortunate. Everyone around me has been so supportive. I’ve had help from people I never imagined would understand. My friends have been wonderful, my family have been a dream. But it’s still been unbelievably hard.
I’ve known since I was 12. That’s 15 years of hiding. 15 years of constantly worrying I’d be discovered. 15 years of loving from a distance. 15 years of trying to make a circle fit into a square. 15 years, I’m ashamed to say, of being open to homaphobea in a bid to hide my own feelings.
And after 15 years I’m exhausted. I don’t care anymore. I am who I am and I’m so proud of who I’ve become.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t ever hide who you truly are – because it will make you so unhappy. It’ll damage relationships and it will be an unnecessary loss of energy.
You know what. I’m gay and it’s OK. And I’m finally ready for everyone to know.
Because now my dreams can come true. I can marry, I can have children and I can be everything I want to be without compromise.
But first – here’s to a New Year of fun, friends, family and love.