Out of the closet – for good! 

New Year – not so much a new me. But probably a new side to me you may or may not have known about.

The thing is, I’m a lesbian. I always have been, and I think I always will be.

Being gay is actually really tough. I’ve spent the majority of my life to date hiding it. Because I was ashamed and scared. Because I didn’t have confidence in who I was to be able to reveal something that I saw as an opportunity for people not to like me.

How wrong was I! It’s ironic really. I’ve spent so much time and energy hiding who I was to protect myself, when really all it was doing was causing myself and myself esteem damage.

Repressing something you know to be true is the most damaging thing you can do to yourself. I’ve only learnt that through doing it for way too long!

I’m fortunate. Everyone around me has been so supportive. I’ve had help from people I never imagined would understand. My friends have been wonderful, my family have been a dream. But it’s still been unbelievably hard.

I’ve known since I was 12. That’s 15 years of hiding. 15 years of constantly worrying I’d be discovered. 15 years of loving from a distance. 15 years of trying to make a circle fit into a square. 15 years, I’m ashamed to say, of being open to homaphobea in a bid to hide my own feelings.

And after 15 years I’m exhausted. I don’t care anymore. I am who I am and I’m so proud of who I’ve become.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t ever hide who you truly are – because it will make you so unhappy. It’ll damage relationships and it will be an unnecessary loss of energy.

You know what. I’m gay and it’s OK. And I’m finally ready for everyone to know.

Because now my dreams can come true. I can marry, I can have children and I can be everything I want to be without compromise.

But first – here’s to a New Year of fun, friends, family and love.


Add yours →

  1. Love is love. To be open is to give the feeling of shame the finger, and it feels amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ella you rock! It must have been hard to be so open. Well done you – I predict nothing but wonderful things for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gillian Carbine January 2, 2017 — 9:18 pm

    Good for you Ella, as you say love is love ❤️. You are young and beautiful, be with who you want to be, do what makes you happy, you deserve it. You only live once (I think) and women in general are so uncomplicated. Have you read men are from mars and women are from Venus – it’s so true. I wish you a happy and gay new year. Big hugs 🤗 x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t think it matters when we find our truth, when we do, the entire world changes. I’m 35 and finally admitted to myself that I was gay last month and its one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy New Year and happy coming out! Stay strong and be true to who you are 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Unbelievably brave of you, love this post. 2017 will definitely be a good year, you have got it off to an amazing start.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Well done you although it saddens me people still feel they need to hide who they are. Here’s to a lovely New Year where you can be so much more of who you are and hope all those dreams come true for you

    Liked by 1 person

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