I’ll stop swearing when…

People say I swear too much. So I promise to stop swearing when all of the following has been addressed…

  • Hair bobbles don’t snap
  • USBs go in the right way the first time around
  • My neighbours stop seeing me naked because every bloody room is overlooked!
  • It stops raining when I’m wearing pumps and it’s not sunny when I’m wearing boots
  • I don’t have to blow dry my hair, iron or take my makeup off before bed
  • Tampon tax is removed
  • Periods are switched for unlimited Prosecco for 7 days each month
  • Coat hangers stop getting tangled
  • I have time to take care of a pet dog
  • People indicate when turning
  • Models have cellulite
  • Spotify stops its adverts
  • People stop wolf whistling
  • Shit stops happening to good people
  • I wake up without an alarm
  • Supermarkets stop moving their stuff around
  • Oh yeah and when we have world fucking peace!

That is all. Thanks.

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