I’m out and proud, I pop pills.
I’ve been popping happy pills since May and I have absolutely no intention of stopping.
The official name of my happy pill is Sertraline. And Sertraline is basically the posh name for the pill that literally saved me.
That might sound OTT but it’s true. After years of counselling, general unhappiness and questioning I faced the music, went to the doctors, cried and told them I was a bloody mess.
They asked me if I needed counselling. I told them I’d had it for the years and I was still anxious as fuck and it was ruining my life. They asked if I wanted pills and for the first time ever I said yes.
The thing is there are so many horror stories about taking antidepressants and there’s a huge bloody stigma too. But there is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed. Plus there’s that age old saying that everyone gets spoon fed; if you had a broken arm you’d go to the doctor.
Well I did. And it was the best decision EVER! Fuck the stigma, I choose happiness.
The thing is, my brain lacks in serotonin, which means I can feel crap pretty easily. It’s science. Some days it was manageable, others it wasn’t. So, these pills I take help to boost the levels in my brain and act as a store when I need them.
I had one friend who took the same pills and other than that nobody to talk to that had experienced taking antidepressants for a long period of time. That friend helped me so much (thanks again said friend) so to help others in a similar situation, here’s my experience:
– Choosing to take the pills isn’t easy. I was really scared. The doctor said if I started them I absolutely had to take them consistently for at least six months – that is scary
– At first they take some getting used to. I ground my teeth, was unable to cry, orgasm (yep over share) and feel happy, sad or any emotion
– This wore off within three months – now I feel totally normal. I can cry, I can laugh, I can love – but I’m not anxious
– They say to watch drinking whilst on them, I drink and it actually removes the booze blues, which I used to get really bad
– They make you sleepy and yawn loads and that hasn’t changed – I’m also a little forgetful, but nothing too major
– I felt the effects within 24 hours, it’s supposed to take 4 weeks. I felt buzzing throughout my body like I had too much electricity, but again that went within two weeks
– People worry about you getting addicted to them, but take the advice of your doctor. My doctor said I choose when I stop taking them, I choose if I need them. Basically it’s your choice, you know you best
To summarise, these pills have removed my anxiety no end. I’m not scared of spiders anymore (sounds funny but trust me it wasn’t) I don’t worry if people think I’m strange or horrible. I’m at peace with myself and that’s given me the confidence to meet with old friends, enjoy my family more and feel happy in my relationship, at work… Basically I can now just be.
I’m not saying everyone should take these pills and I’m not saying they work for everyone. But I’ve had such a positive experience that if you are feeling lost then it’s not allways the terrible idea people might have you believe.
Do what’s right for you and know there are allways options.