I take happy pills and it’s OK

I’m out and proud, I pop pills. 

I’ve been popping happy pills since May and I have absolutely no intention of stopping. 

The official name of my happy pill is Sertraline. And Sertraline is basically the posh name for the pill that literally saved me. 

That might sound OTT but it’s true. After years of counselling, general unhappiness and questioning I faced the music, went to the doctors, cried and told them I was a bloody mess. 

They asked me if I needed counselling. I told them I’d had it for the years and I was still anxious as fuck and it was ruining my life. They asked if I wanted pills and for the first time ever I said yes. 

The thing is there are so many horror stories about taking antidepressants and there’s a huge bloody stigma too. But there is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed. Plus there’s that age old saying that everyone gets spoon fed; if you had a broken arm you’d go to the doctor. 

Well I did. And it was the best decision EVER! Fuck the stigma, I choose happiness. 

The thing is, my brain lacks in serotonin, which means I can feel crap pretty easily. It’s science. Some days it was manageable, others it wasn’t. So, these pills I take help to boost the levels in my brain and act as a store when I need them. 

I had one friend who took the same pills and other than that nobody to talk to that had experienced taking antidepressants for a long period of time. That friend helped me so much (thanks again said friend) so to help others in a similar situation, here’s my experience: 

– Choosing to take the pills isn’t easy. I was really scared. The doctor said if I started them I absolutely had to take them consistently for at least six months – that is scary 

– At first they take some getting used to. I ground my teeth, was unable to cry, orgasm (yep over share) and feel happy, sad or any emotion 

– This wore off within three months – now I feel totally normal. I can cry, I can laugh, I can love – but I’m not anxious 

– They say to watch drinking whilst on them, I drink and it actually removes the booze blues, which I used to get really bad 

– They make you sleepy and yawn loads and that hasn’t changed – I’m also a little forgetful, but nothing too major 

– I felt the effects within 24 hours, it’s supposed to take 4 weeks. I felt buzzing throughout my body like I had too much electricity, but again that went within two weeks 

– People worry about you getting addicted to them, but take the advice of your doctor. My doctor said I choose when I stop taking them, I choose if I need them. Basically it’s your choice, you know you best 

To summarise, these pills have removed my anxiety no end. I’m not scared of spiders anymore (sounds funny but trust me it wasn’t) I don’t worry if people think I’m strange or horrible. I’m at peace with myself and that’s given me the confidence to meet with old friends, enjoy my family more and feel happy in my relationship, at work… Basically I can now just be. 

I’m not saying everyone should take these pills and I’m not saying they work for everyone. But I’ve had such a positive experience that if you are feeling lost then it’s not allways the terrible idea people might have you believe. 

Do what’s right for you and know there are allways options. 

Me doing a fake happy pose – lol! 

12 Comments

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  1. This is a great post and very needed. I had a similar experience with another medication after years of avoiding it. It’s the best thing I ever did. And I call them happy pills too! People need to look at this as a chemical imbalance like a vitamin deficiency. We need to repair that deficiency with happy pills.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved reading this. I have been embarrassed for far too long about taking antidepressants.

    But after reading this I took a second to think about how I was 4 months ago compared to how I am today and it’s made me realise that I am greatful for the pills because they’ve made me a better person & they have helped me overcome and achieve so much.

    Thank you! 🙂

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  3. Needed to read that. I’m suffering with anxiety and severe depression. Been started on sertraline ( had for 2 months) and i’M defiantly feeling a bit better. Still get anxious must days but its not as frequent or as intense as it was.Can only hope this continues to improve.

    Thanks

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  4. Great post Ella, you’ve done a great thing by writing about it and you’ve given me food for thought too. I’ve been prescribed pills on so many occasions but the problem with me is that my anxiety is also focused around medication and side effects, so I’ve always been too anxious about them to actually take them! I wish there was a pill to treat a fear of pills as I really think I could do with taking something to help my anxiety! xxx

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    • Thanks Hayley. I felt exactly the same. I’d say it’s worth a try to see if it helps as long as if they don’t work you come off them gradually. I’m so glad I made the choice and I’ve now spoken to lots of people that feel the same. It helps you to take control which makes a nice change 😀😀😀 thanks for the message – you know I love your blog!!!

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  5. Thank you for being open and honest about taking antidepressants. It’s something that has such a stigma attached to it, and I truly feel the more we talk about it, the more we can smash shame. I’m glad you wrote this.

    Tamsin xo

    Like

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