First comes love, then comes…?

I was engaged. Yep I truly buggered that one up. 

Me, wandering around in a field, achieving sweet fuck all. Such a cute metaphor! 

I’m a flighty person and I don’t really know what I want. I like people in the main but I have commitment issues. 

So, while everyone around me is getting married, buying houses and having babies, I’m still plodding along, trying to work myself out. The closest thing I have to commitment is a joint bank account for bills, and that still make me dizzy at times. 

Don’t get me wrong I’d love to get married, have babies etc. But I just can’t seem to stick to one train of thought long enough to confidently make such a life changing decision. 

So I carry on regardless. Spend my money on holidays, eating out and having fun and then wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life at the end of the month when I have 20p to my name. 

But I’m going to stop. I’m not failing. I love my job. I have great people in my life. I’m happy. What’s the problem? 

I don’t have a plan – so what. When do things ever go to plan anyway? 

At the moment I kind of know what’s going on until Christmas. And I actually love that. Who knows what next year could bring. And if it’s more of the same, then great. I like my life. 

I’m not going to measure my success by achieving life milestones, because I don’t want to spend my life looking forward to the next milestone and then feeling disappointed when I get there. Which would happen, that’s what I’m like. 

So for now. I’m choosing to be a semi-carefree. I’m literally going to live in the moment and not worry about what tomorrow brings. Whilst saving a little money just incase I need another holiday soon (opens Air BnB app on phone). 

Is this where I saw myself at 27. No. Am I happy. Yes. I think that’s what really matters. 

Old pic but I look happy, so you know. Thought it was appropriate.

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